NEVER RAT ME OUT AGAIN

(To the melody of "Never Let Me Down Again")

I'm trying to hide
With my best friends
I hope we evade the Coalition
A traitor's leading them right to me
Taking them to where I don’t want them to be
I'm trying to hide
With my best friends

We're resupine
We're hoping the Yanks will pass us by
Never want to be found
Never want to get my kicked ass locked in the pound

I'm haunting Tikrit
With my best friends
I hope they keep their mouths shut again
Promises me we're as safe as houses
As I long as I remember the $2K, in dollars
I hope we evade the Coalition

We're resupine
We're hoping the Yanks will pass us by
Never want to be found
Never want to get my kicked ass locked in the pound

Never rat me out

See the cash, it's shining bright
(As if you had a choice here, right?)

[Formerly known as "Never Turn Me Down Again." "Rat Me Out" works much, much better.]

Ridiculous.

Don't forget Abe's wisest words: "Be excellent to each other, and...party on, dudes!"

He really said that, right?

It's been awhile, but I still remember superfriends moments. What kind of moment is that, you ask? "Superfriends" is a term coined by Jon, one of my buddies (at farthest left, with his former band Spark Lights the Friction) at college. At present, Gabe is the only non-Syracuse friend of mine who not only understands the term "superfriends" but does so tacitly, insofar as I have on occasion turned to him and muttered, "superfriends," to his instant and complete comprehension. I seek to broaden the number of learned, so I asked Jon to provide me with a "Webster's ready" definition. He obliged:

su·per·friends // (sooper·frends) n. pl. adj.

1. Most commonly defined, 1973's Super Friends was a cartoon centered around Superman teaming up with other popular DC Comics superheroes (Aquaman, Batman and Robin, Wonder Woman) along with eager young hero trainees Wendy, Marvin, and Wonder Dog for adventures. "Their mission: To fight Injustice. To right that which is wrong. And to serve all mankind!"

2. More obscurely, superfriends is defined as a state of being in which one is overwhelmed (and overloaded) by the simultaneous stimuli (conversations, actions, etc.) of friends in the immediate vicinity. This mindset has been known to cause freaking out, screaming, and spontaneous acts of temporary insanity. In many extreme cases, the effect of superfriends is a lasting one - afflicting the sufferer with tics and drooling as well as the inability to hold a cohesive conversation.

Look that up in your Funk & Wagnall's.

The Japanese seem to have spent this past month canonizing a hapless seal. Now, I do recall a brief but intense spate of American news stories and cultural nods dedicated to three whales trapped in the late 1980s, but nothing - nothing - like this. A topical animé is likely in the pipeline.

What's a blogtercation without vicious lies? Here's the father of vicious lies with pals Andre Breton and Diego Rivera in the good old days, apparently trash-talking his "capitalist stooge" nemesis.

[No idea where the "battle scar" came from. Battle, I suppose?]

He's from Tikrit, he skips and hides, he likes to flex his power; he puts on women's clothing, and hangs around in bars?

The US army is hoping to stick up posters of Saddam Hussein's face superimposed on Hollywood heroines and other stars in an attempt to enrage his followers and draw them out.

In one called 'Zsa Zsa Saddam', he has his head tossed back, his blonde locks flowing and a filter-tipped cigarette dangling coquettishly between his delicate fingers.

[...]

"We're going to do something devious with these," said a chuckling Lieutenant-Colonel Steve Russell last week, as he checked out a range of spoof Saddam pictures taken from the Internet (www.worth1000.com).

"Most of the locals will love 'em and they'll be laughing. But the bad guys are going to be upset, which will just make it easier for us to know who they are."

The flypaper strategy continues!

UPDATE:

The original is little washed out and at the wrong angle, but that's what I had to work with. I've rounded out the cast.

UPDATE:

Yep. Han Sullivan. Right. At this point, it's just a matter of assigning every last blogger to a Star Wars character - Lord knows Lucas created enough for all of us. (To think that back during my painting undergrad, I refused to use Photoshop. A happy convert, I am.)

UPDATE:

...Greeno. Yes, Stephen, I know it's a hell of a way to repay you for my first blog link - but the name, man, the name. Porphyrogenitus-o doesn't have the same ring. Besides, Greedo's a decent fellow. [Was.]

UPDATE:

Old friend/sidekick time: Misha Darklighter. I assume Misha would get a little bit more screen time in this production, yes?

UPDATE:

Charlesbacca (shades of Bert Lahr?). When he's not designing top-notch websites, he's intellectually rending Islamofacists limb from limb (in this dramatic enactment, physically).

UPDATE:

Catalano Fett. I don't care how angry those liberals make you, if you've been told once you've been told a thousand times: no disintegrations.

Gabe, Jonn, Danny, Patrick and others in the know: this one's for you. For the rest: don't worry, it's just one heck of an inside joke. And a potential retail action figure line, complete with theme song.

It occurred to me recently that the blogger behind TruthLaidBear has been so successful with his pen name that if I were to meet him in person and he turned out not to be tall, thickly set, furry and cartoonily ursine, I'd be disappointed.