Sung to the melody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It."
There's trouble on the highest court in the land
Four judges run amok — they need a reprimand
O'Connor's seat is open and George Bush has found the man:
Scalito, Scalito
A public servant whose career is first-rate
He knows that judges judge; he doesn't legislate
He's just the nominee that the left loves to hate
Scalito, 'cause the country can't wait
Scalito! (Scalito!)
Scalito! (Scalito!)
Win one for plain meaning's credo
If it's not Miers, this one will do
Plenty of choices; it don't matter who
Ad hoc opinions have become standard fare
They say "penumbra" when they really mean "thin air"
The left draws everything from law except for what's there
Scalito, he's Ralph Neas' worst nightmare
Scalito! (Scalito!)
Scalito! (Scalito!)
Damn the Democrats' torpedoes
Sixty for cloture, if there's a fight
Time to move SCOTUS back to the right
Scalito! ('Lito, 'lito, 'lito!)
(Guitar solo; cut to the Justices' Conference Room; members of the court wear bandanas and sleeveless black robes, cheering on Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Clarence Thomas as they circle, left wrists tied together, in a gavel duel)
The Democratic Party's fit to be tied
Their living, breathing document's about to die
They'll try their best to Bork — Bush says, "Go ahead and try"
Scalito! They can kiss Roe goodbye
(First and Second Chorus, repeat; outro fade)