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Nuanced Crisis Management
 
Michael Ubaldi, August 6, 2004.
 

It's Friday, so a little goofing is in order. Australian blogger Tim Blair, understandably furious with John Kerry's far-left cheap shot at President Bush, asks "How would Kerry have 'attended to it'?" Rudy Giuliani doesn't think the question is relevant. But truly, a sound comparison can't be made between a career senator and a first-year president. What would a Kerry chief executive have done in those terrible moments? Let's imagine:

OFFICIAL RECORD, PRESIDENT JOHN KERRY, 9/11/01, 9:03-10:00 AM EDT

9:03 AM: Loudly exclaim "Holp is on the way!..Help. Hope. Both."
9:04 AM: Visit restroom. Wash hands twice. Check hair in mirror.
9:07 AM: Depart from elementary school to secure, undisclosed location.
9:09 AM: En route to command location, telephone French President Jacques Chirac.
9:10 AM: Hang up telephone after receiving busy signal.
9:12 AM: Telephone German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder.
9:13 AM: Hang up telephone after receiving busy signal.
9:14 AM: Check hair in window.
9:18 AM: Telephone French President Jacques Chirac.
9:20 AM: Hang up telephone after receiving busy signal.
9:21 AM: Confer with aides.
9:26 AM: Telephone "Palestinian Authority" leader Yasser Arafat.
9:27 AM: Speak with Arafat briefly; hang up, unable to hear Arafat's attempts to speak over loud cheers in Ramallah office.
9:30 AM: Telephone French President Jacques Chirac.
9:32 AM: Hang up telephone after reaching automated voice mail.
9:41 AM: Arrive at secure, undisclosed location.
9:43 AM: Visit restroom. Wash hands twice. Check hair in mirror.
9:44 AM: From aides, receive word that jet has hit Pentagon, and draft for United Nations General Assembly Resolution 2112, "No More Terrorism Ever, Ever, Ever — and We Mean It, Too, Mister."
9:45 AM: Confer with aides.
9:51 AM: Revise title of Resolution 2112 to ""No More Terrorism Ever, Ever, Ever — and We Mean It, Too, Mister. Sensitively, of Course."
9:52 AM: Confer with aides.
9:54 AM: Telephone Alan Alda with offer to be celebrity spokesman for domestic awareness campaign "Fighting Terrorism with TLC." Receive confirmation.
9:59 AM: Telephone French President Jacques Chirac.
10:00 AM: Hang up telephone after receiving busy signal.


Or something along those lines. You served your country better sitting in shock with your Senate colleagues, Mr. Kerry.