...to The Weekly Standard. Ladies and gents, be so kind as to import your wit and levity from page to screen and save us - I beg you, save us - from your impenetrably dull television commercials. They're so clunky, so Super 8 that I'm left agape when neither a "$19.95" nor a "But that's not all!" graphic appear on the screen.

Prove to the world that conservatives can resonate when verve is the game. Please?