Bonnie Spalding asks, no doubt with the slightest smirk:
Hi Mike! What exactly are the other nutrients in a "balanced" intellectual diet?
It's pleasing to know that intellectual well-being is important to you, Bonnie! Did you know that nearly 47% of voting Americans suffer from mental malnourishment? Being fed the wrong information can be dangerous - not to mention occasionally embarrassing. But fear not, I'll lend you my personal menu as a foundation:
Vitamin WFB, for brain power and the stimulation of hormones producing a sense of humility and awe.
Vitamin JG, for a sharp tongue.
Vitamin H, for eyesight/foresight.
And, of course, we certainly need Vitamin ML from our Ledeen beans.
Failure to maintain such a healthy regimen can lead to Brazaitis, or "a false swelling of the heart and brain." Symptoms include a desire to help an obscure concept, "Humanity," wherein the victim demonstrably exhibits contempt for his fellow Man.
Be sure to ingest Vitamins pK and DB with care. Unchecked consumption of these destructive additives can lead to Raine's Syndrome, a degenerative mental disorder that concussively inhibits one's ability to distinguish right from wrong, reality from imagination, or proper newswriting from boldfaced propaganda - let alone manage a formerly world-class newspaper.
The culinary delights of ethical, moral and journalistic expression await your responsible enjoyment!
